A Valentine's Gift For All (Love, Lose & Hate*)

Love is in the air, or is it not? Happy Early Valentine's Day, guys! I guess, it's time I've had a "real" update, it's been over a month since the last story. I hope you enjoy this one because it's going to be -at least- another month before I have another story up. School's getting busy these few weeks especially with Regionals for band coming up. I really can't believe that we're one and half months into 2008 already. I'm not much of a fan of Valentine's Day, I mean I'm single, so I really care less. But I do not mind it, I mean, it's fun to have those events go on at school, especially last year and it's nice when you know you can at least spend your valentine's day with the friends you love. That's how I spread my love ;]

And well, since it's Valentine's Day, I've decided to spread some love to my online readers and in the cyber world perhaps. A Valentine's Day Gift for all, no matter if you're single, married, engaged, in a relationship etc. It's for everyone =] It was hard writing this story, and it's perhaps in a way a little different from the previous one. But here's a little treat for everyone before the big day of "love" of the year comes. So Enjoy! & Happy Valentine's Day! <3

~mushroom-chan;; feelin'.a.lil.loved;;

~~~~~le story~~~~~
Love, Lose & Hate*

I used to hate Valentine’s Day. Not really because I didn’t have my own special someone but because it felt like people only treated Valentine’s Day as the day to share it with that someone and only that someone. It made all the ones who didn’t have partners feel like what Chris would say “dorks”. And not only people who were single felt like dorks, sometimes, the ones in a relationship felt this way too. The reason was because their partner wasn’t there with them, didn’t treat them to anything or spend time with them. And not to mention the ones that might have just gotten out of a relationship recently before Valentine’s Day. I have nothing against with giving the one you love roses or flowers, or even spending some extra time with them. I just don’t understand why people have to make Valentine’s Day such a big deal; February 14th is just like any other day in the year except it had a name to it.

So what if I didn’t have a special someone to celebrate my Valentine’s Day with? What made the difference? Isn’t Valentine’s Day really a day for you to show the ones you love that you care about them? And when I’m saying the ones you love, I mean everyone you love not just your special someone. It could be your mom, your dad, your siblings and even your friends. I think that is why we gave out valentine cards to everyone when we were young and after all, without all those people, you may have never found that special someone in the first place. I never understood why those mushy love couples just had to rub it in the face’s of single individuals. We’re single; we know it and we don’t need someone out there to remind us. If you are going to make Valentine’s Day such a big deal then just keep it to yourself. And if you can’t, then spread the love but the warm love that everyone likes, not the one that makes people feel lonely.

Even though it seemed like I didn’t really understand the importance of Valentine’s Day, I did know why it was so special to some. And just because I don’t like it all that much, don’t take me wrong, I did see good in it, it made everyone smile in a way and even the ones who were single. As being single, we all adapted easily to the environment because we have a lot of love ourselves. And I guess at one point of your life, there’s going to be at least one Valentine’s Day that was special to you. And even someone like me, wanted the Valentine’s Day 5 years ago to be special.

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Chris was the one who showed me that Valentine’s Day really could be special for everyone; he made a special Valentine’s Day become a reality to me. Chris gave me what every girl dreamed to have: someone that loves and cares for you the same way you do for them. I no longer could only think about these things but can actually say to myself “it happened to me too”. Chris is one of those typical nice guys that everyone likes. Except his difference from a nice guy is he did have someone that loves him, me. Another difference perhaps was that everyone knew he was going to easily find a girlfriend for sure and whoever that girl was would be very lucky. That’s sort of why I never thought it could happen to me because there’s always those times when I wonder if I really deserved someone like Chris. But then Chris proved to me that I deserved a nice boyfriend just like the way people said he deserved a nice girlfriend. It also then came known to me that I was considered the typical nice girl.

I still clearly remember every memory that I shared with Chris and I’ll never forget. I’ll always treasure all our memories close to my heart, from when we first met until the end. We started out as good friends, ones that always hung out together, had those laughs but got into arguments at times too. I still remember that sweet smile of his that caught my attention, it is a smile that some girls would die for and others would just plainly burst out in laughter. But to me, it is a perfect sweet smile that brought happiness to my heart. Whenever he was around me, it felt like everything just brightened up. But most importantly, he was there with me, going through all my ups and downs. When I cried, his shoulder would be there for me to cry on. When I smiled or laughed, he would be there to be happy with me. When I was angry, he would be there like a punching dummy, for me to complain at.

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I’ll never forget Chris and I guess he was what made me want a “special” Valentine’s Day four years ago for once. I remember the day when he pulled me aside saying he had something important to tell me. Knowing Chris and I, when it was important, it usually meant serious business like assignments, projects or problems in life. I just never expected all that to happen. He pulled me aside to the corridor which is probably not one of the best places to discuss assignments or projects but I probably had been drained out after completing midterms and getting the results of them to notice that. And with Valentine’s Day coming up soon, I got moody easily that week.

The past week I had not gotten enough sleep at all and I haven’t felt too good for awhile even though exams were over so when he pulled me aside, I started to zone out right away thinking that it was probably just one of those regular talks we always had. And well, Chris noticed, and asked me what was “wrong?” Chris knew me very well, I wasn’t the type to zone out that easily on friends and if I did zone out, it usually meant I was really tired or not in a good mood. And this time, it was both; I was exhausted from midterms and all my problems. But before I could answer him, Chris already knew I haven’t gotten enough sleep. And he just gave me a disappointed look except the one that made me feel really relaxed.

Then he started talking again saying things like “I know you’re tired, but this is really important”. Haha, I loved it when Chris wanted to sound really formal and professional. And he kept going even though he saw the little smirk on my face. He mentioned about the stress we were going through recently and the troubles that occurred in both of our lives. Then, he started talking about our memories and said “You’ve always been there for me, and remember that promise I made to you, that no matter what, I’ll always be there for you.”

Yes, I remembered those words, and even though sometimes it felt like he bailed on them when we got into arguments, in the end, we always fixed our problems. I nodded and he continued “And I want you to know that I won’t break those promises but I want to promise you something else if you will let me…” He waited for me to give him the nod of “go on” and he started again “I don’t want to just be there for you as a close friend or like an older brother. Because you’re special to me even if you always tell me you feel like you’re just like everyone else. And I want to be there for you like I’m your boyfriend, like the special someone that you want. Because I like you, Bridget, a lot...” For a few seconds, there was what people would refer to as “awkward silence”. Then I spoke up “How long have you been feeling this way?” He answered me and said for quite awhile. I didn’t really know what to say anymore, and it felt like I couldn’t mouth anything else out, except for “Chris… I…”

But I couldn’t continue, because I was afraid. Chris heard me and started nodding and asked me to continue. I felt his fingers touching mine and I just closed me eyes and said “I… I like… I like you too…” He then took my hand and said “I won’t break my promises…” and kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t know what to say next so I just nodded and he gave me a big hug. And that instant, I started feeling teary but all Chris did was just hug me even more tightly, and I felt like I never had to let go of him. Because he was there for me and I knew I could just stay here as long as I wanted and Chris would still be here holding me tightly and closely. Even though he didn’t say anything, he held me tightly enough to prove to me that we’ll solve any obstacles of ours together, hand in hand, step by step. All my problems just disappeared for those few minutes and I knew deep in my heart that I wasn’t alone anymore, because I had a special someone, one that I could spend with on Valentine’s Day this year.

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After that incident in the corridor, I started to actually care a little bit about Valentine’s Day; something inside of me just wanted this one to be a little more special then all the ones in the past. And because I’ve spent all my past Valentine’s Day with my friends, I really wanted this one to be a little different, just a little. With Chris spending it with me, it made it really special already but I guess that really cute teddy bear, the chocolates that I ended up giving to all my friends, and the flowers he gave me all made it even more special. But what made me feel that this Valentine’s Day was unique was that Chris was there to spend it with me as my boyfriend but at the same time, we could spent it with our awesome friends, spreading our love and happiness to everyone else so we can all be happy together. Though I do admit that it was nice to come home with Casper and flowers knowing that I had a special someone out there and it was Chris.

And ever since that special Valentine’s Day, I looked at Valentine’s Day a little differently until Year 2 University. Everything changed on that Valentine’s Day, so much happened: once in a lifetime experiences, nothing was the same again, they were like… Like chemical changes. Once the change occurred, there was no way of reversing it. Except these weren’t happy changes or happy experiences, they’re the reasons for all those tears I lost on Feb 14th of my 2nd year of university.

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I miss Chris; he left me when I was 19, forever. I remember that day; it had been 3 years since we’ve been together. The weather outside that day was nice but very cold. Though it was cold, I still felt warm inside because it was Valentine’s Day and I knew I could spend it with Chris for the whole day since it was a Saturday. The day started out at Tim Horton’s, a place we visited often in the winter as the hot chocolate was a nice way to keep cozy and warm. We then spent the morning at a nearby mall and had lunch. But a day with Chris and me during a busy week of school could never leave studying out especially since midterms were coming up the next week. So we went to the library and worked on some “homework”. In the early evening, we decided to call out some friends to spend some time together; after all, we barely had time to hang out. We had dinner and then crashed at a friend’s place before we headed home a few hours later. When I got to the door of my house, Chris gave me something but he told me to open it when I was inside. Before he left, he told me he had a surprise for me when I got home. He mentioned something along the lines of a letter or something. He kissed me goodbye and went back into the car and drove away. And that was the last of everything.

I went inside and headed into my room, I opened my present, and inside the bag was another teddy bear. There was also a photo album and a journal. I looked at the photo album and saw how thick it was, and I started thinking that we must have taken many many photos together. I took my new teddy bear out and placed it on my bed then I started getting ready for bed. I went to take a shower and when I came out; I saw that I had several missed calls on my cell, and they were all from Chris’ elder brother. Something felt wrong but before I could call him back to find out what was wrong, he called me. And I knew I wasn’t in for anything too good; he told me Chris was in the hospital and told me to come right away. Time felt like it stopped for a second and I ran into my brother’s room asking for a ride. And without an answer, my brother grabbed me by the hand and soon enough, I was standing outside the emergency room.

It felt like I was waiting forever for Chris to come out, but during that time, I found out that Chris got into a big car accident and apparently, Chris was not the “wrong” one. I even got a glimpse of the couple that crashed into Chris and his car. I wanted to go over there and give them a lecture about safe driving. But I didn’t, I couldn’t do anything except just stand there and wait for the doctor. The doctor finally came out, and all he said was “I’m sorry. We’ve tried our best.” And then he gave me the “you-better-say-it-now” look. I went inside the room and Chris was still smiling. I tried my best to keep those tears in, I went by the side of his bed and I held his hand. He told me to stop crying and said that everything was going to be alright, like he always did when I cried. He kept smiling and even called me a silly girl. He placed his other hand on my head and rubbed it, but no matter how hard I tried, there was this huge pain inside of me. Then he said it again “Everything will be alright. They always turn out okay. Don’t cry honey. I love you, you silly… silly girl.” Then he let go of my hand, and those were his last words.

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During the next week, Chris’ funeral was held. Many memorial services were also held for Chris at nearby centres and also the schools he attended. I also found out the details to the incident and this was what really happened: while Chris was driving straight at an intersection, the other car was taking a left and the reason the car was losing control was because the person driving the car was being scolded by his girlfriend about not giving her flowers. When I heard this, I was just thinking “a lousy couple took away my special someone forever.” It wasn’t fair; Chris was dead while those two still were living. Why? Chris was innocent, nice and sweet. Why did they have to take him away? And now all I have left of him are the teddy bears he gave me throughout the 3 years we were together, the gifts, the photo album, the letters, the emails, the history conversations, the journal and the memories.

Every once in awhile, I would look back at the photo album and read the funny captions under each photo to relive those memories again. Other times, I read through the journal that he wrote which listed almost every single memory we shared, it felt endless except it wasn’t. Every time I held onto one of those teddy bears, it felt like I was going back to one of those special Valentine’s Day. It brought me back to the first Valentine’s Day we spent together then it reminded me of the last one.

Chris wasn’t going to come back anymore. It’s been 2 years since he passed away, nothing has been the same since the day he left me. I can never look at Valentine’s Day in any good way again because it made me go through a once in a life time experience, ones that aren’t supposed to happen, at least not on Valentine’s Day. I thought Chris could change my views on Valentine’s Day, I thought I would start to enjoy Valentine’s Day a little more after the one I had 5 years ago, but I was wrong. Because to this day now, I still hate Valentine’s Day.

~mushroom-chan

Not Dead Just Hibernating

I guess I'm really good at procrastinating, I was going to post this last weekend, but a lot of things came up and I never got the chance to so it's up -now-:

"My first blog of the "new year". It's been -awhile- I've updated my story blog. Sorry about that, after the break, I've just been SOO busy. Things chilled down a bit since my midterms are over but I'm back at school tomorow, so I'll try my best to update. So if you've been wondering, no, takiotakav is not dead. It just takes awhile for ideas to come, and it's not like I can just come up and finish a story in like a blink of an eye. And because I'm obviously a full-time student that has "extra-curriculars" to attend as well, time is so limited. But

I do promise that I'll try my *very* best to prepare an update in about 2 weeks or so with a new story.

6 midterms sure did crush me over but I'm fine, I think. At least I'm done now, and I got a break today. It was also really nice to visit the school to see Maestro Colin Clarke work with the Junior Band. He's so awesome and it sure brought back memories of my junior band camp in grade 9. Other things to mention is that I've watched all of Wongfu's Video Blogs they have so far and even though it's just updates, they are really cool. Haha, chinese minute maid ;] And also, I can't wait until Break Up Back Up (by WongFuProductions) come out on Friday not to mention Spencer Junior.

Lastly, TVXQ's new Japanese album, Trick seems pretty interesting. The photos are quite nice except I don't think I really like Yunho's hairstyle, can't remember. But the 5 solo singles are an amazing idea and really awesome, especially since each title stands for one letter of Trick. The covers for the first 2 singles (Max's and Micky's) are really nice, I like the whole different style of it. Really modern furnitury like. Another thing to mention is Jae has turned 22 (23 in Korea) a couple days ago and he's on his 23rd year of his life. I hope he had an awesome birthday. Also, my lovely Yunho is turning 22 soon <3."

So, looks like my Yunho is 22 now <3! Aiya, blogger completely KILLED my post. I'm going to go "crazy", anyways, I totally forgot what I said before, but some things about being really busy in the past week. I watched Break up Back up and it was awesome! I also got all my midterms back but -sigh- i still have so much to do. I'll aiming for an update in the coming week near "Valentine's Day", hopefully. Thanks for all who's been still checking out this site and reading my "2nd" story. Much is appreciated, I truly apologize for the deadness for the past month, more will be coming. Being a "full-time" high school student with extra curriculars just really keeps me busy and limits my time to write stories. Anyways, before I go, I wish everyone a happy chinese new year. Kung Hei Fat Choy!