New Story [The Two-Sided Journal] Coming Soon & Updates on Moving Process

Before you all continue to read. I hope you can all support my friend who designed the banner/header of this website by voting for her tshirt design as follows. She entered this tshirt contest, and it's important that you vote to support her. Every vote counts so yes YOU can make a difference! All you have to do is sign up and vote. Also, her tshirt sends out a really meaningful message so Please vote for Much Needed Change by clicking here. Log in/sign up, vote for the design at the bottom right-hand corner and support this talented artist and message. THANK YOU!

Okay so yes takiotakav is moving soon. It's pretty much almost confirmed however, I'm still deciding when to disclose the new website location. I'm fixing things up and I want the new place to be refreshed and up to date when you guys get there. So just wait another little while. I modified the look of this place a bit if you haven't noticed or if you didn't read my last blog here. It's a little dark but I like it and the header is really nice. It's drawn by my friend, Sabrina, who drew it using the graffiti application on Facebook.

So I know it's been nearly A YEAR since I've posted up a story and like months and months since I've posted any sort of "writing" I've done. The last time I've posted up something was like July and they were my poems, if you didn't read them, check them out here and for all the stories, click here. I apologize but once the school year started, I just had SO much on my plates and I couldn't even squeeze another story out of me during the Christmas Break. I did post up an old story that I wrote, it's actually my "first finished story" I wrote back in 2007, I think so if you haven't read it, click here to read. It's a interesting good one. A little emotional.

I also apologize for the many links I have on this post. I never used to use links but I discovered how useful they can be. And how fun they can be too! Okay so I know I've been talking too much about what I've written before and yadayada. So I know you guys are all anxious about my new story. So YES, I do have a new story that will be coming soon. I hope it's a good one, and I'm sure you guys will understand why it's been so long since I've posted up a story. I wrote two teasers for the story sort of like when people release movies or short films, they have trailers or teasers, so I tried something like that and hopefully, you guys will like the teaser and come back to read the story. There's two teasers for a reason, it's sort of like two different points of views in a way. So check it out below and enjoy! Please please SPREAD the word of this new story, new readers are ALWAYS welcomed. And SUBSCRIBE if you want to be kept up to date. THANKS!


The Two-Sided Journal

Teaser # 1:
I started to count the number of pages I had left whenever I missed her. Sometimes, I would hope that I could write like mad so I could finish it faster then maybe I coud have a chance of seeing her sooner. She promised me she would give me a new one as soon as I finished with my old one. But what I really needed or wanted wasn't a new journal from her but just to see her after all these long months. The one thing I was most afraid was losing her but maybe I never lost her because she wasn't mine to begin with.

Teaser # 2:
The day was creeping closer and sooner or later, I had to make the decision. Long and thick or short and thin? I had no idea what it should be. But whatever it may be though I hope it will last him a lifetime, though I don't know how many more journals I would be able to provide him nor do I know how long it will be until we meet again... But I hope that I can give him something where he can always share his secrets to. Where he'll be able to share his other side with.

P.S The story will be out soon. The earliest being the week of valentine's day. And the site will probably be moving to its new location sometime in March. Thanks! SPREAD THE WORD! :]
~mushroom.chan;; it's.been.long;;

Happy Two Oh Oh Nine! <3 (HighSchool Love)

Blogger is not a very good blogger. Anyways, oh eight was awesome. two thousand nine will be definitely full of more great stuff. unfortunately, no new story for the new year, i haven't finished writing any new stories! but i have an older story to put up. one that was written 2 years ago, my first story in o6.

my brief round of thank yous `08 on blogger; for full round check my xanga, msn space or facebook.

thank you to all readers and supporters of this story blog. thank you everyone who had made this year so special and fun for me. thank you tvxq for bringing such amazing songs to my life, sharing your talent, representing your country with such great pride, and last but never ever the least, thank you wongfu: wes, ted & phil you guys are the one that inspired me to continue or start this again, you 3 helped me make this happen. you 3 helped me realize how much words can mean. :]

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lame title. sorry, i guess i couldn't think of a good title for this back then.

High School Love

By Alissa Tse

Prologue

A fresh new start, it's somewhere where you can start over with friends, teachers, marks, parents (well, possibly) and love, that’s what they said. They also told me it would be a new beginning for some. Entering high school was supposed to be a fresh start; I wasn't supposed to fall down like this. What went wrong or perhaps what did I do? Maybe I should have believed what a fellow once said "There's no such thing as high school love." Well, there was until Ray left me. I met Ray when I came to high school; he was in more than half my classes and was a pretty smart guy. I remember how I thought he was a nerd until I found out that he just had a deep interest in astronomy. And yeah, I love astronomy; it's beautiful just like art. We still didn't talk much even if we shared that interest until the time Ray supported me in a debate in science class, when he helped me with my solar system model and the time he was there for me when my ex whom I broke up with since grade 8 (he wasn't really my ex-boyfriend; all we did was like each other and were really good friends) had a huge argument with me for not liking him & "dumping" him and not telling him. I remember I ended up crying the whole afternoon at my locker, well when the halls were empty. I tried to keep it in but once I was alone, I just broke down. I guess I wasn't really alone, Ray was there. He came and sat there right beside me and didn't say a single word. My tears just kept on coming out and his sleeve was all wet at the end because he ran out of tissues. That was also the first time he hugged me, I guess he heard the whole argument because he said to me "That dude is a jerk. It's okay. Everything is going to be alright. Trust me. I'm here for you. I promise" I didn't know what time it was but I must have dozed off a bit but it seemed like I cried for ages but Ray was there, the whole time. He never left me alone until now.

Part I

The sewing needle was sitting there on top of my desk tempting me to grab it. I took it and I started to play around with it. Poking it into my skin and making holes that could never be mended. Then I saw it, my tiny scar from a year ago, I poked at it and started to scratch it stroke by stroke. It got itchy and started to hurt but I didn’t feel a thing. Stroke by stroke, it went deeper and deeper, the skin got red but this pattern continued until a tear dropped and blended with the small droplet of blood. I was bleeding. I stopped, looked at my cut and started to laugh. I saw it, another scar forming, I kept laughing and then I broke down. I cried and cried until I felt something or maybe it was someone. Maybe it was Ray here telling me everything was okay like he always did. Maybe he didn’t leave me after all; maybe if I just lifted my head and opened my eyes, he’ll be there to hug me. It was Ray, I could feel it. I opened my eyes. Nothing. I blinked. No one. Nothing was there except my pillow beside me that fell from my bed. There was no one there. I was alone forever by myself. Ray left me forever and he’s not coming back because he’s gone… forever.

Part II

Thoughts were racing through my head, my hands were shaking, my body was still, I wanted to scream but nothing would come out. My heart beat kept going faster and faster, I don't know what was happening, images, words, and everything racing across my head. It was like the dream again, the same dream coming back again and again. It's there when I'm sleeping at night and here when I'm not. I couldn't control myself, it was taking over me. I wanted to grab something, someone to squeeze and hug tight. I must find someone to hug, hide and be protected from. The dream was haunting me, it wouldn't leave me alone, I couldn't write properly, I couldn't think properly and I couldn't run anywhere. I shuffled through the papers on my desk to find someone to call and there it was. The photo of Ray and I at astro night, how i love astronomy, how i love... Ray. I stared at the photo, eyes still, not blinking at all. I kept staring, not moving any part of me. The thoughts and everything were gone now. A small smile appeared on my face then a tear dribbled down my cheek. I sat there, still not moving with the photo in front of me and tears falling down my cheek one by one slowly until I started to cry. Laughing, crying, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know anything anymore. I closed my eyes and I could feel the watery tears surrounding it, then I started seeing stars like that astro night when I was with Ray...

Part III

I don't know why I was doing it again. It didn't matter if I knew what it would be like, I couldn't control myself. I just couldn't. The dream takes over me and now the sewing needle. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. Heal after heal, stroke after stroke, dream after dream, it's not stopping, nothing's changing, it's all staying the same like this forever just like how Ray is gone forever and he isn't coming back ever again. Now nothing is stopping, I remember the astro night when I was lying under the stars with Ray, he was holding my hand, and he had felt my cut that was on my left hand. He sat up and took out hiss cellphone for light. He saw it and asked in a whisper what happened and what was wrong, I told him about it and I said I'd never do it again but I started to cry a bit. But Ray was there, he hugged me and I felt that he was there forever and ever. I thought I would never do it again after that night, no more scars or cuts forever but... why is this happening again, after one whole year, the scar is getting deeper and deeper and it's staying like this on my left hand forever. It's haunting me and it's not leaving me forever. But why? Why did Ray leave me? Why did he have to go away like this? Why is he gone forever and not coming back again? Why?

Part IV

I no longer know who I am, all I can do now is doubt, doubt myself, life and everything around me. I don’t know what is happening; I don’t understand why, why I’m like this. Why Ray left and why I hurt myself this way. I look at the scar and I hate myself, for what I did, maybe that’s why Ray left for the same reason why I want to give up on myself and all the hope in the world. Maybe Ray left because he’s giving up on me because I no longer know who I am, I’m giving… up? Am I? I don’t know, I don’t want to know. Or maybe I’m just trying to run away... but then something is stopping me from running and it’s not letting me continue on. From the day I picked up that needle, it stayed with me, it was like it was part of me, part of my life, it seemed like the perfect answer or solution to all my questions but why does it seem like I don’t know what the answers are? What did I do wrong? I only tried to do well in school, I love astronomy and I love... loved Ray when I came here but what’s happening now. Who am I? Who is…Kera? Who… What… Where... I don’t know myself anymore. And why isn’t Ray here like he promised me. Tears started to roll down my cheeks then there I saw it, an envelope with a letter inside from… from… Ray, maybe he didn’t… didn’t leave me… after all. I opened the enveloped and unfolded the letter, it said:

Dear Kera,

I don’t know how to say this but I love you. From the day we’ve been friends, it’s been the most amazing ever. Thanks for being here in my life and thanks for being my one and only girl. I love you and yes I’ll say it for my first time and perhaps my last time too, I love you deep down from my heart. You have been the greatest and I’ll miss you. I’m sorry I must leave you; it wasn’t supposed to be like this. No “happy HAPPY” endings, I guess? =\ I have left you many of our treasures but do try to forget about me, I promise the treasure will always be somewhere in your closet and your heart. Kera, promise me you’ll be strong, don’t cry because I’m always here beside you no matter where I am. I still love you. Please be happy always, no matter where I am. Don’t cry but keep smiling, because your smile shines my world. And most of all, NEVER give up on yourself, love yourself and don’t give up because I would NEVER give up on you. You know who you are deep inside and you must keep smiling. Don’t ever hurt yourself, we’re all worth to love ourselves and we’re all unique. Don’t hate but love. Kera, stay strong and take care and remember I’m not gone forever because I’m always here with you in your heart, always. Please take care.

Love Always,

Ray

P.S I’m sorry I have to leave and go away for real forever.

I was crying with joys of tear, Ray was the best guy ever. But he had to go and leave me. I didn’t know what to do anymore after reading this letter. But there was more, tucked away in the envelope was a note, it said:

Kera,

I love you, haha. Remember the photo album you gave me? Go into your closet right now. =]

love Ray

I stood up weakly and walked to my closet; I opened it and saw a big box. Inside the box was a photo album. I flipped through it and all our memories were coming back to me, all the good and bad times with Ray. After awhile, I finally got to the end, and there was another note.

Kera,

Keep smiling! Don’t hurt yourself or give up on yourself! Because you know who you are and you’re really special. Look at this album when you’re sad or even when you’re happy. Know that even though I left you forever, I’m really still here, in your heart always. So long, my girl!

love Ray

Ray was really here all along and he finally woke me up to my life, he was always here in my heart. I don’t know why I gave up on myself but Ray never did, he always had faith in my. Ray is in my heart even if he’s gone forever and if he’s not coming back again. Ray, wherever you are, I love you, thanks and I’ll always remember you forever in my heart, I always will.

Epilogue

The sun was bright but I didn’t want to go out just yet. It was quite early in the morning and my whole house was quiet but I liked it. I needed a little quiet, peaceful, alone time. I went to my closet, opened it and took out a big box. I took out the photo album inside and went back to my bed. I opened it and started to look at the photos. It was the greatest memories of Ray and I that will never leave my heart. It’ll stay in my heart forever just like Ray will even if he’s gone forever. =\ It has been a long time ever since that week of my breakdown… Ray had waked me up in what could be a nightmare or dream, he taught me how to stand back up and not give up on myself…ever. A month had passed since Ray’s funeral, I’m sad but for Ray’s sake, I’ll keep smiling but not just for him but myself too. Ray had lived 16 short years but he never was sad, he had the best 16 years of his life. It was not fair that Ray got sick like that but I guess we’ve learn life’s not fair all the time and we just got to cope with it. At the worst times of life, sometimes you just have to laugh it off, like Ray. From the day he was sick to the moment he died, he was still smiling deep down from his heart. I don’t know why God or whoever had to take him away but I guess he’s gone forever and he’s not going to come back. But he’s always here to me because he has never left me in my heart.


~mushroom-chan;; thank.you.&.happy.oh.nine;;

A Valentine's Gift For All (Love, Lose & Hate*)

Love is in the air, or is it not? Happy Early Valentine's Day, guys! I guess, it's time I've had a "real" update, it's been over a month since the last story. I hope you enjoy this one because it's going to be -at least- another month before I have another story up. School's getting busy these few weeks especially with Regionals for band coming up. I really can't believe that we're one and half months into 2008 already. I'm not much of a fan of Valentine's Day, I mean I'm single, so I really care less. But I do not mind it, I mean, it's fun to have those events go on at school, especially last year and it's nice when you know you can at least spend your valentine's day with the friends you love. That's how I spread my love ;]

And well, since it's Valentine's Day, I've decided to spread some love to my online readers and in the cyber world perhaps. A Valentine's Day Gift for all, no matter if you're single, married, engaged, in a relationship etc. It's for everyone =] It was hard writing this story, and it's perhaps in a way a little different from the previous one. But here's a little treat for everyone before the big day of "love" of the year comes. So Enjoy! & Happy Valentine's Day! <3

~mushroom-chan;; feelin'.a.lil.loved;;

~~~~~le story~~~~~
Love, Lose & Hate*

I used to hate Valentine’s Day. Not really because I didn’t have my own special someone but because it felt like people only treated Valentine’s Day as the day to share it with that someone and only that someone. It made all the ones who didn’t have partners feel like what Chris would say “dorks”. And not only people who were single felt like dorks, sometimes, the ones in a relationship felt this way too. The reason was because their partner wasn’t there with them, didn’t treat them to anything or spend time with them. And not to mention the ones that might have just gotten out of a relationship recently before Valentine’s Day. I have nothing against with giving the one you love roses or flowers, or even spending some extra time with them. I just don’t understand why people have to make Valentine’s Day such a big deal; February 14th is just like any other day in the year except it had a name to it.

So what if I didn’t have a special someone to celebrate my Valentine’s Day with? What made the difference? Isn’t Valentine’s Day really a day for you to show the ones you love that you care about them? And when I’m saying the ones you love, I mean everyone you love not just your special someone. It could be your mom, your dad, your siblings and even your friends. I think that is why we gave out valentine cards to everyone when we were young and after all, without all those people, you may have never found that special someone in the first place. I never understood why those mushy love couples just had to rub it in the face’s of single individuals. We’re single; we know it and we don’t need someone out there to remind us. If you are going to make Valentine’s Day such a big deal then just keep it to yourself. And if you can’t, then spread the love but the warm love that everyone likes, not the one that makes people feel lonely.

Even though it seemed like I didn’t really understand the importance of Valentine’s Day, I did know why it was so special to some. And just because I don’t like it all that much, don’t take me wrong, I did see good in it, it made everyone smile in a way and even the ones who were single. As being single, we all adapted easily to the environment because we have a lot of love ourselves. And I guess at one point of your life, there’s going to be at least one Valentine’s Day that was special to you. And even someone like me, wanted the Valentine’s Day 5 years ago to be special.

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Chris was the one who showed me that Valentine’s Day really could be special for everyone; he made a special Valentine’s Day become a reality to me. Chris gave me what every girl dreamed to have: someone that loves and cares for you the same way you do for them. I no longer could only think about these things but can actually say to myself “it happened to me too”. Chris is one of those typical nice guys that everyone likes. Except his difference from a nice guy is he did have someone that loves him, me. Another difference perhaps was that everyone knew he was going to easily find a girlfriend for sure and whoever that girl was would be very lucky. That’s sort of why I never thought it could happen to me because there’s always those times when I wonder if I really deserved someone like Chris. But then Chris proved to me that I deserved a nice boyfriend just like the way people said he deserved a nice girlfriend. It also then came known to me that I was considered the typical nice girl.

I still clearly remember every memory that I shared with Chris and I’ll never forget. I’ll always treasure all our memories close to my heart, from when we first met until the end. We started out as good friends, ones that always hung out together, had those laughs but got into arguments at times too. I still remember that sweet smile of his that caught my attention, it is a smile that some girls would die for and others would just plainly burst out in laughter. But to me, it is a perfect sweet smile that brought happiness to my heart. Whenever he was around me, it felt like everything just brightened up. But most importantly, he was there with me, going through all my ups and downs. When I cried, his shoulder would be there for me to cry on. When I smiled or laughed, he would be there to be happy with me. When I was angry, he would be there like a punching dummy, for me to complain at.

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I’ll never forget Chris and I guess he was what made me want a “special” Valentine’s Day four years ago for once. I remember the day when he pulled me aside saying he had something important to tell me. Knowing Chris and I, when it was important, it usually meant serious business like assignments, projects or problems in life. I just never expected all that to happen. He pulled me aside to the corridor which is probably not one of the best places to discuss assignments or projects but I probably had been drained out after completing midterms and getting the results of them to notice that. And with Valentine’s Day coming up soon, I got moody easily that week.

The past week I had not gotten enough sleep at all and I haven’t felt too good for awhile even though exams were over so when he pulled me aside, I started to zone out right away thinking that it was probably just one of those regular talks we always had. And well, Chris noticed, and asked me what was “wrong?” Chris knew me very well, I wasn’t the type to zone out that easily on friends and if I did zone out, it usually meant I was really tired or not in a good mood. And this time, it was both; I was exhausted from midterms and all my problems. But before I could answer him, Chris already knew I haven’t gotten enough sleep. And he just gave me a disappointed look except the one that made me feel really relaxed.

Then he started talking again saying things like “I know you’re tired, but this is really important”. Haha, I loved it when Chris wanted to sound really formal and professional. And he kept going even though he saw the little smirk on my face. He mentioned about the stress we were going through recently and the troubles that occurred in both of our lives. Then, he started talking about our memories and said “You’ve always been there for me, and remember that promise I made to you, that no matter what, I’ll always be there for you.”

Yes, I remembered those words, and even though sometimes it felt like he bailed on them when we got into arguments, in the end, we always fixed our problems. I nodded and he continued “And I want you to know that I won’t break those promises but I want to promise you something else if you will let me…” He waited for me to give him the nod of “go on” and he started again “I don’t want to just be there for you as a close friend or like an older brother. Because you’re special to me even if you always tell me you feel like you’re just like everyone else. And I want to be there for you like I’m your boyfriend, like the special someone that you want. Because I like you, Bridget, a lot...” For a few seconds, there was what people would refer to as “awkward silence”. Then I spoke up “How long have you been feeling this way?” He answered me and said for quite awhile. I didn’t really know what to say anymore, and it felt like I couldn’t mouth anything else out, except for “Chris… I…”

But I couldn’t continue, because I was afraid. Chris heard me and started nodding and asked me to continue. I felt his fingers touching mine and I just closed me eyes and said “I… I like… I like you too…” He then took my hand and said “I won’t break my promises…” and kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t know what to say next so I just nodded and he gave me a big hug. And that instant, I started feeling teary but all Chris did was just hug me even more tightly, and I felt like I never had to let go of him. Because he was there for me and I knew I could just stay here as long as I wanted and Chris would still be here holding me tightly and closely. Even though he didn’t say anything, he held me tightly enough to prove to me that we’ll solve any obstacles of ours together, hand in hand, step by step. All my problems just disappeared for those few minutes and I knew deep in my heart that I wasn’t alone anymore, because I had a special someone, one that I could spend with on Valentine’s Day this year.

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After that incident in the corridor, I started to actually care a little bit about Valentine’s Day; something inside of me just wanted this one to be a little more special then all the ones in the past. And because I’ve spent all my past Valentine’s Day with my friends, I really wanted this one to be a little different, just a little. With Chris spending it with me, it made it really special already but I guess that really cute teddy bear, the chocolates that I ended up giving to all my friends, and the flowers he gave me all made it even more special. But what made me feel that this Valentine’s Day was unique was that Chris was there to spend it with me as my boyfriend but at the same time, we could spent it with our awesome friends, spreading our love and happiness to everyone else so we can all be happy together. Though I do admit that it was nice to come home with Casper and flowers knowing that I had a special someone out there and it was Chris.

And ever since that special Valentine’s Day, I looked at Valentine’s Day a little differently until Year 2 University. Everything changed on that Valentine’s Day, so much happened: once in a lifetime experiences, nothing was the same again, they were like… Like chemical changes. Once the change occurred, there was no way of reversing it. Except these weren’t happy changes or happy experiences, they’re the reasons for all those tears I lost on Feb 14th of my 2nd year of university.

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I miss Chris; he left me when I was 19, forever. I remember that day; it had been 3 years since we’ve been together. The weather outside that day was nice but very cold. Though it was cold, I still felt warm inside because it was Valentine’s Day and I knew I could spend it with Chris for the whole day since it was a Saturday. The day started out at Tim Horton’s, a place we visited often in the winter as the hot chocolate was a nice way to keep cozy and warm. We then spent the morning at a nearby mall and had lunch. But a day with Chris and me during a busy week of school could never leave studying out especially since midterms were coming up the next week. So we went to the library and worked on some “homework”. In the early evening, we decided to call out some friends to spend some time together; after all, we barely had time to hang out. We had dinner and then crashed at a friend’s place before we headed home a few hours later. When I got to the door of my house, Chris gave me something but he told me to open it when I was inside. Before he left, he told me he had a surprise for me when I got home. He mentioned something along the lines of a letter or something. He kissed me goodbye and went back into the car and drove away. And that was the last of everything.

I went inside and headed into my room, I opened my present, and inside the bag was another teddy bear. There was also a photo album and a journal. I looked at the photo album and saw how thick it was, and I started thinking that we must have taken many many photos together. I took my new teddy bear out and placed it on my bed then I started getting ready for bed. I went to take a shower and when I came out; I saw that I had several missed calls on my cell, and they were all from Chris’ elder brother. Something felt wrong but before I could call him back to find out what was wrong, he called me. And I knew I wasn’t in for anything too good; he told me Chris was in the hospital and told me to come right away. Time felt like it stopped for a second and I ran into my brother’s room asking for a ride. And without an answer, my brother grabbed me by the hand and soon enough, I was standing outside the emergency room.

It felt like I was waiting forever for Chris to come out, but during that time, I found out that Chris got into a big car accident and apparently, Chris was not the “wrong” one. I even got a glimpse of the couple that crashed into Chris and his car. I wanted to go over there and give them a lecture about safe driving. But I didn’t, I couldn’t do anything except just stand there and wait for the doctor. The doctor finally came out, and all he said was “I’m sorry. We’ve tried our best.” And then he gave me the “you-better-say-it-now” look. I went inside the room and Chris was still smiling. I tried my best to keep those tears in, I went by the side of his bed and I held his hand. He told me to stop crying and said that everything was going to be alright, like he always did when I cried. He kept smiling and even called me a silly girl. He placed his other hand on my head and rubbed it, but no matter how hard I tried, there was this huge pain inside of me. Then he said it again “Everything will be alright. They always turn out okay. Don’t cry honey. I love you, you silly… silly girl.” Then he let go of my hand, and those were his last words.

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During the next week, Chris’ funeral was held. Many memorial services were also held for Chris at nearby centres and also the schools he attended. I also found out the details to the incident and this was what really happened: while Chris was driving straight at an intersection, the other car was taking a left and the reason the car was losing control was because the person driving the car was being scolded by his girlfriend about not giving her flowers. When I heard this, I was just thinking “a lousy couple took away my special someone forever.” It wasn’t fair; Chris was dead while those two still were living. Why? Chris was innocent, nice and sweet. Why did they have to take him away? And now all I have left of him are the teddy bears he gave me throughout the 3 years we were together, the gifts, the photo album, the letters, the emails, the history conversations, the journal and the memories.

Every once in awhile, I would look back at the photo album and read the funny captions under each photo to relive those memories again. Other times, I read through the journal that he wrote which listed almost every single memory we shared, it felt endless except it wasn’t. Every time I held onto one of those teddy bears, it felt like I was going back to one of those special Valentine’s Day. It brought me back to the first Valentine’s Day we spent together then it reminded me of the last one.

Chris wasn’t going to come back anymore. It’s been 2 years since he passed away, nothing has been the same since the day he left me. I can never look at Valentine’s Day in any good way again because it made me go through a once in a life time experience, ones that aren’t supposed to happen, at least not on Valentine’s Day. I thought Chris could change my views on Valentine’s Day, I thought I would start to enjoy Valentine’s Day a little more after the one I had 5 years ago, but I was wrong. Because to this day now, I still hate Valentine’s Day.

~mushroom-chan

Happy New Year's Eve (Oh & Christmas Came Back)

Well well, it's New Year's Eve. So Happy New Year's Eve. There is *only* 1 hour and 50 minutes left of 2007 as I type this, it's scary to say that one year passes by so fast. Time does fly by but I enjoyed 2007, and let's hope 2008 will be just as awesome. I had the best times at camp and 2007 will be the only year where i've been to camp (JP) 3 times (Jazz Camp- Apr 2007, Choir Camp- Oct 2007, & Senior Camp- Dec 2007).

I have so much to thank and people to thank this year for supporting me always and being there with me. Also for making and sharing so many memories with me. I have so much to look back at and just laugh, and remember all those good times. I've had so much fun in all the camps, in all the hangouts and all the music events we've been at. I've never had a better afterschool club then i did in grade 10. Most of all, I've been exposed to being fans of many things now- Toronto Maple Leafs (as always), DBSK (haha since last year summer), HSM (LOL, it was because of HSM 2) & lastly WongFu.

Without these types of entertainment, sometimes I don't even know what would happen, they can bring so many laughs to me when I need them. But also, there are people who's been there for me. Thanks everyone for an awesome 2007.

Now since 2007 is ending, we would need you know, new year resolutions. Mine is to "work out", i'm coughfatcough. Haha and probably just get more sleep in general too. So I'm assuming that's two new year resolutions, oh and less junk food (my pimples really get annoying >.>) That is all I can think of now.

Anyways, before the posting of my "second" story, (the first one will be posted another time) Happy 2008 everyone, best wishes and hope all goes well for you guys.

~mushroom-chan;;neutral.as.ever;;

~~~the story~~~
Christmas Came Back*

I was walking down rancliff lane, wondering why the snow was melting away 2 days before Christmas. Last year, it was a green Christmas; it wasn’t going to be another one again, right? What happened to that magical white Christmas I wanted? The perfect Christmas that I wish could happen this year, but will never come true. I know Christmas is about being together, but I love the snow. It just brings me so much more energy to be in that Christmas Spirit, something that has been coming and going for me a lot this year. I kept thinking of the reasons that this should be a magical & special Christmas even without a lot of snow.

But then something interrupted me, I stopped walking and turned my eyes to the left. There in front of my eyes were the best looking Christmas goodies I’ve seen for a long time and one of the biggest teddy bear I’ve ever seen. It reminded me of Spencer from WongFu’s Give and Take, but other than the huge teddy bear that caught my attention, it was the hot chocolate that was being sold. Even though most of the snow had melted away, it was still pretty cold and so I walked right in for a cup of heaven.

I walked inside, and there was a pretty long line. Some were buying Christmas pastries, others were getting hot chocolate and there were a few looking around for gifts. I wasn’t surprised that there were many customers as the whole store was filled with beautiful Christmas decorations; the Christmas Spirit here was great, so who wouldn’t want to be in here before Christmas Eve? The store really brought me back to my childhood memories when my family and I would always spend time together putting the Christmas tree up and all the presents my brother and I would get. As we got older, we bought ourselves a smaller tree with really pretty lights since we rarely had time to put up decorations on the tree. But we would still enjoy a nice Christmas dinner together until the year I turned 14. That year, there were no Christmas trees, no presents, no family dinner & just nothing, I spent that Christmas in the hospital with my brother. And ever since that year, Christmas never came to my home again, the last time we celebrated Christmas as a family was when I was 13.

It was my turn to take my order, and the hot chocolate looked so delicious that I ordered a large cup. I found a comfy seat in the sitting area to enjoy my drink. I sat down and took a sip of my hot chocolate. It was the best thing I’ve had for awhile and probably one of the things that reminded me of Christmas the most. I haven’t celebrated Christmas for 2 years, 3 including this year. The hot chocolate brought me back to the memories of my last Christmas 3 years ago. That year, my brother cooked us a big and delicious feast for dinner, and it was also my first time that I bought presents for my family. My brother had accompanied me to the mall to buy the gifts except for the one I got him, of course.

I still remember what my brother got me; it was a heart locket necklace that I am still wearing after all these years. Inside the locket was two stones, one was my birthstone and the other was my brothers. My brother told me it symbolized our relationship as siblings and that no matter where I was or where he was, we would always be together. I remember feeling kind of bad that his present has so much meaning behind it while mine was just a winter cap but he told me he really liked it, and he always wore it that year. My brother and I spent quite a handful of money on presents and the food for our Christmas dinner. I will never forget the fun we had making that cheesecake and it was the first & last cheesecake we made together. Although, it was our first time making it, my mom said it was really tasty.

I was almost done my hot chocolate, but it was still very warm just like even though Christmas was over, Boxing Day that year was fun. My parents didn’t want to be part of the crowd so they stayed home and my brother offered to bring me to the mall. So we went together in the morning, we bought some things together then we split off after lunch with our friends and met up again at around 4. After we left the mall, we went for a snack and came home. That night, instead of another meal made by my brother, my parents went out for dinner alone while my brother and I went to this random restaurant trying all kinds of different foods. For the rest of the holiday, we visited Niagara Falls and then we started to catch up on our homework since my brother was going to university in a year.

I finished the last sip of my hot chocolate and it was all gone just like how my last Christmas is only a memory now. We’re never going to celebrate Christmas and if we do, it will never be as this family again. I miss my brother, and we never knew that my 13th Christmas would be our last, never did he know that the year I turned 14 would be his last year here too. My brother was 18, and he never knew that my Christmases would never come back again. The year I turned 14, we spent our Christmas in the hospital, and then it all ended.

I held my necklace close to my heart and I remember that this wasn’t the last Christmas present I got from my brother. We were in the hospital and my brother did give me another present, it was a really big teddy bear wearing a Santa hat. He didn’t exactly give it to me in the hospital but he showed me a picture of it and told me it was waiting for me at home.

I stayed with my brother the whole night but then I had to leave. Before I left, he said “Merry Christmas, I love you” and those were his last words to me. On Boxing Day, I went back and he wasn’t there to wish me a Happy Boxing Day, he left me all alone only with a note.

Since I was young child, people said the only reason people would cry during Christmas is because they were happy. I learnt that those were tears of joy but now I know, they all lied to me. They said Christmas was happy, full of love, happiness. They told me that sometimes people were so happy during this time of the year that they would cry. Ever since that year to now, I sure had lost many tears during Christmas, but they were all tears for the wrong reason. They were definitely tears. But not the right ones. Not tears of joy.

I stood up and threw my cup into the trash can. I left all heated up but inside my heart, something felt cold.

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It was Christmas Eve, I looked outside and there was no snow in the air. What happened to my friend saying it would snow today and on Christmas? Just more lies to me again? I got up and went over to my desk and I spent the entire day writing Christmas cards for family & friends. I also went over to a friend’s house just so I wouldn’t go crazy at home since I would be spending Christmas at home with my own teddy bear, Avery, who looked just like Spencer.

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I was sitting in my room two days after Christmas looking at old photo albums and thinking back to my childhood memories. Now that Christmas was technically over, I had to get back on track this holiday before school started. It was a little hard since I’ve been on the other end of the bed for awhile so I wonder if I’ll be able to actually get my books out to study this holiday. I decided that if I wanted to get back on track with school and all, I should start it by taking another walk outside since I haven’t been away from my home for 3 days now. Fresh air is always good for the brain anyways.

I went out the door of my house and started walking. I ended up in the same street I was walking down 3 days ago, and I wasn’t surprised to know that I’ll probably pass down the same store too. I was only a few blocks away from it and I saw a few snowflakes fall down. A little part of me wished that more snowflakes would come down but I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t going to snow today. It didn’t snow on Christmas and it wasn’t going to snow after either. I looked through the window of the store and saw that there were still many customers even though Christmas passed. Also, Mr. Teddybear was still sitting at the window greeting everyone just waiting for someone to claim it. The store looked just as filled as it was 3 days ago as if Christmas was still here. I decided to go in for another round of hot chocolate, as I was waiting to take my order, I thought I saw it snowing. But who was I kidding; it was only my own imagination.

Once I got my hot chocolate, I went home. I just had this sudden urge to go home and see Avery. It didn’t take me long to get home since I jogged all the way with my cup of hot chocolate in my hand. I ran inside and went to find Avery; I grabbed him and carried him downstairs. He was quite big so I had to be careful I didn’t spill my hot chocolate. With Avery, I left the house and went to visit the trees that my brother and I used to go to often. There were two trees that we loved, one was perfect for the summer and the other was perfect for the winter because it was like an evergreen tree. Every winter, the pine tree was usually decorated but I stopped decorating it ever since I was 14.

After a short walk, we were there, the tree was decorated a bit this year. It was probably some family that lived around there who did it. I sat down beside the big tree with Avery and stared at the pretty Christmas tree. I took a sip of my warm hot chocolate and I turned to face Avery and many memories started to come back again. Then I felt it, a cold droplet of water fell on my nose, but it wasn’t rain, it was a snowflake. I looked up and it was really snowing. Snowflakes fell on my hair and Avery. I wasn’t dreaming and this wasn’t my imagination, it was actually snowing and it was soo pretty. It wasn’t only a few snowflakes here and there, I held Avery and my necklace close to me. And then I felt a warm cozy air of happiness I haven’t felt for a long time. It finally came back to me after 3 years, it was finally Christmas again. I looked up into the clear blue sky, smiling and said “Merry Christmas Aaron!”

~mushroom-chan;;